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发表于 2006-8-19 11:19:16
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引用第1楼phonology于2006-08-19 00:24发表的“”:
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俺也是老规矩，进括号。。
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按照上次的规矩，一点一点讲。
1）
It is that you lack the eyes which can find happiness if you do not consider your life good, rather than the world short of happiness.
作者的意思是不是：如果你不觉得生活美好，那是因为你缺少发现快乐的眼睛，而不是着世界缺少幸福。
如果是的话，那么这句话的句式就有些奇怪了，不像是地道的英语。
It is that 给人的感觉好像是作者想要使用强调句，但实际的运用却不够得心应手。
如果是我，我会这样写：
If you do not think [consider是不是有些不合适呢] your life is good, it is not because the world is short of happiness, but rather you lack the eye [eye指眼光，eyes是眼睛。当然用眼睛也行]to it. (为了保留原来的句式，我这个也是点怪怪的)
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这句是很奇怪。中文的强调和英文的强调有所不同，所以按照中文的强调方法是不恰当的，而且句子一旦很长，强调的重点就变弱了。
先说一下原句除去结构的问题，rather than the world short of happiness， 缺少动词， is short of happiness.
don't think. 这里用 think ...is not...比较好。think直接表达自己的意见， don't think往往表达与对方意见相左的情况。 “mine english are very much good”, “I don't think so”
It's that....这不是个句型， It's because, It's because of...都可以。
如果我要表达这个强调的意思： The world is NEVER short of happiness AS LONG AS You have the eyes to find it.
眼光一般是用作 to the artist's eye .. 以艺术家的眼光。。。中文的有眼光 似乎不是这么直接翻译。
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2）
I defined myself as a pessimist, for many of my friends told me that.
define好像不好，用acknowledge好不好？
"told me that"，that指"I defined myself as a pessimist"?
是不是可以用 for many friends thought so.
我个人觉得my可以省略，当然是你的朋友咯。我的朋友又不认识你。
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问题phonnny说得还算清楚， 不过acknowledge就不能as。
另外，my 不可以省略。I went out with my family last night for dinner. 你家里人我也不认识，my 不是也不能去么？ I love my wife.... 你老婆我也不认识。。。得了，扯远了。
这句的问题在于作者想要修饰一下，结果基本功不扎实，还过犹不及。。
直接修改成：Many of my friends said I am a pessimist, and I agree with them.（注意，这里前后时态可以不同，my friend过去和我说的，现在我和你们说的时候，我同意这点）
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3）
They encourage[d 是否保持事态一致] me to be confident. They lead me to find and appreciate merits of myself and be proud of them[that是单数，既然前面用了merits，是不是应该用them呢？].
{
前面要保持encouraged一致，后面就lead了？ lad, use led instead.
that 一定要慎用，建议作者好好学学that的用法。that不是万金油，可以随便抹，一般各处都有各处的用词，而that也一般用作这些用词所避讳的一些场合，比如 it's ....who.. it's .... which...当这些次不适合的时候，才是that...
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4）
I am from a poor village and all I have done in senior middle school was to study hard with all my heart [in it] from one hour to the next.
it 应该是指senior middle school吧？前面有过了，这里是不是省略呢？
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不需要什么in it.. 不过作者要是想写 深更半夜子时归，关门闭户掩柴扉 这样风格的话另当别论。
你如果不是高中没毕业，那就是had done. 而如果你是要描述你整个高中的事情的话，all I DID in senior...
to do 句型可以是名词性的，但这里还是studying hard...动名词做宾语好。
from one hour to the next?? 很陌生，从没见过，如果作者不确定这个确实是个固有用法的话。you must have coined it yourself!. 还很别扭。直接 studying hard with all my heart all the time.
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5）
I lived a depressed college life of four years, which is a big loss to me.
我喜欢这么写：My four-year college life was depressing, and ……
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更地道的好像应该这么写 “My four years in college were depressing”
四年的生活不能用loss, 再怎么depressing 也不行， loss应该是具体的，depressing 只能是pity
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6）
I have wasted the four-year time without acquir[ing] something important and essential, which I should [have] gain[ed].
介词后面要用现在分词；
should have done 表示应该做却没有做
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without后面还要用 anything. without something 也不是不可以，黑人说法。 相似的还有 i don't need no arms around me.
作者特喜欢用have....其实你要描述一过去的事情，就直接过去式好了。道明寺说过：如果过去完成时有用，要过去式做什么？
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7）
Then I met my first girl friend, she made me more confident, he he…
几个分句并致，中间却没有连接词，这是不符合英语语法的。
而行文本身，"more confident"之上应该写你是如何自信的，但是我们更多地看到的是不自信。过渡上有断层。
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逗号改句号就成了。不过这小段让我们浮想联翩哦。he he ...
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8）
Now I have realized that I have my own advantages[?]I have also found that the life is good, [?]my life is not as depressed as I thought before.
几个分句并致，中间却没有连接词，这是不符合英语语法的。
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作者的have...还真是多啊。。。。该去还是去了吧。 倒是让我想起来我表妹中文蹩脚的时候，跟我说：这个东西你可以有（you can have this.）异曲同工？
as.. as... 如果否定句 is not so.... as..有印象否？
这不是联结词的问题，几个句子基本上都是独立成句的。用句号！ 道明寺也说过：如果逗号有用的话，要句号做什么？
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9）
Formerly, I would feel awkward after I had expressed my opinion during a meeting in my work place or debate with my associates or friends. I would have the same feeling when I [既然分句主语一样，我们一般不用独立分词结构，所以这里少系动词] showing others what I had done for I thought that there were so many unreasonable factors and drawbacks in my opinion and my work[job和work的区别就不多讲了].
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先说语法错误，已指出的不重复。看大写的
Would feel??既然说的是过去的事实，那就i FELT
after i EXPRESSED..
IN a meeting...
DEBATED with... (这里用Argue更好)
I HAD the same feeling...
showing others what I had done 这句话难得时态用的准确，表扬一下。体会一下区别？
unreasonable factors and drawbacks ？？ 改成一个词 defects如何？
My work我觉得没有错。
本句太长了。长的我都不想看不想理解了。所以既然for...比较短，挪到前面如何？
formerly, because i thought..... , i felt....... , also i got the same feeling when....
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10）
Now, I find that it is not only I would make mistakes when express opinion. I also find that my friends and other guys around me are not perfect either.
既然用了not only ... but also 就用上吧，而且更加简洁。
{
find some具体的thing, find out some 抽象的thing.
这句话就是翻译成中文也罗索得很。
Now I find out that not only I but also my friends and collegues make mistakes when expressing opinions
来，跟我重复 When DOING SOMETHING ，这个句型你已经错了好多次了。
还有 expressing OPINIONS, 大声念， 这个opinion，如果不加修饰的 their opinion,就要加复数。 这里their明显不合适，因为还有I呢。
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11）
I learn from them that a person should be optimistic toward life. I can live up to this standard now. I admire my advantages positively and recognize my short coming reasonably. My present job offers me salary that is not perceived by most people as high, my job is not defined as dmirable. I am not somebody; I am only a common teacher in a professional college. However, I would appreciate every day of my life. I know that nobody is perfect. I know what my drawback is; I know what my goal is. I know which one I want to become. I can support myself financially. I now face every sunrise and sunset with smile. I know that the world is beautiful, the life is good.
"I"开头的句子是不是多了一点？句子也大都为短句，最好其中一些可以连成长句。
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太长了。偷懒不看了，instead, 看个短的
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还是那句话，眼高手低，自己写，未必有着水准。
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未必有“这”水准。
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发表于 2006-8-20 13:15:42
